Asking vs Telling
You Gain Power Not Surrender It.
They say from the mouths of babes comes wisdom but this one took me by surprise because it was so simple and so glaringly obvious. But sometimes we think the light at the end of the tunnel is heaven, but we don’t realize it’s not until after the train hits us.
A neighbor’s child was causing his mom some problems. She asked if I could talk to him. She’s a single mom with an eight-year-old son who is at that age where he is starting to question everything. Finding his way to discovering and managing the world around him. He likes to tell his mom what to do and how to do it.
I asked him why he tells his mom what to do. Simple response “that way she’ll know what to do,” he said with a grin. And what do you think would happen if you asked what she thought? I asked, trying to get him thinking. His answer was startling. He said, but then I’d be giving away all the control. Then the decision would be all hers, right?
SO, Is it fear of the loss of control, power, that keeps us from communicating? The risk of losing the ability to tell I so overwing we remove the option. We tell in email, in voice mail, in-text in snap, on Instagram, and every other media. The answer was spoken by an 8 yr old. That way we don’t risk giving up the control.
Let me give you quick tips that might help you reconnect, understand, and find a way to overcome.
The answer to a question just might be a question.
Like our little tyrant, he probably could have made some sort of plea if he knew what his mom was thinking…
Change: I think we ought to…
To…What do you think about us…
Change: My opinion is we shouldn’t…
To…Can you help me understand your position and opinion of…
What happens when they answer with their opinion? Now you can tell, understanding what they need.
Doesn’t that give you back all the control? The power to drive the conversation to your desired outcome.
Just a quick thought.
